I am Back...and we are in the midst of Covid-19

 It's been forever since I blogged about Brazil, or Brasil and I come to this moment as I first return to traveling since the start of Covid-19. I have never stopped loving my friends in Brasil, or reaching out to them on Whatsapp or telling them about my life. I am finally here to do the same on my blog.

As a flight attendant with a major company, a step up from a regional airline, but not a legacy carrier I enjoy all of the perks of being a world traveler: standby anxiety, limited sleep because of late night packing, and stress eating as I plan an execute my trips.

One such stressful trip three years ago resulted in me losing my Canon EOS 5 MarkIII camera. With accessories like microphones, and lights and necessities like batteries and cases and filters, that camera cost me well over $3,500.00. WIth that camera I had been creating footage for a documentary that I entitled Why Brazil?

One morning returning from a "red-eye" (overnight work trip as a flight attendant) I decided that even though the "loads" (number of empty seat indicates) were making the success of me making it on a flight to Brazil looked sketchy I was going to try. I packed all day with basically no sleep except 2-3 hours of dozing while thinking about what I wanted to shoot while in Rio this particular trip. Not only was I figuring out how much of my time would be spend in Rio and which friends I could squeeze in seeing, I also tried to plan how long I could go to Saquarema a place close to my heart where my goddaughter Isabel's grandparents, aunt, and uncle and father lived by this time.

Part of the reason why getting ready to go to Brazil was always stressful, was that I never took the time to really study the camera that I was blessed to own, and even more unfortunate, I never followed up on my initial training in editing, and my attempts to learn the Portuguese language.

By this time, I had hours and hours of footage saved on various portable hard drives and no defined story line except for rough synopsis that I put together for film funding competitions that I repeatedly failed to win. I was winning about loving the Brasilian culture, the people, and a real firsthand knowledge of many of the political challenges of the country and reaching a point, that I realized that those same challenges were shared by poor people in every country including my own, the United States.

I got to the airport that evening about an hour and a half before the flight, having paid for a taxi with too many bags. I tried to check in at the kiosk which I never have luck with, and I ended up in line for assistance at the American Airlines counter. Having checked my bag, which contained at least 3,000 silicone bracelets that a friend who is a tour guide in one of Rio's favelas had requested that I ordered, and bring to Rio, I put on a pitiful face and presented my crew I.D. to anyone I thought would help me get to the head of the TSA line so that I could make the flight. I made it to the gate in time to go through the usual agonizing process of waiting to see if I'd be assigned a seat, only to finally get a seat assignment, on a plane that had mechanical problems and never left that night. We were told to return in the morning when the airline promised that a replacement plane would take us to Brasil. As I write this, now I wonder what would have happened if I'd listened to my instincts and my sleep deprived body, and not returned to the airport would I have finished my film by now.

I returned the next day only to have further difficulties, and be told to return later that day. I took the bus home, exhausted after waiting to retrieve my checked bag and dragging everything on the bus. I couldn't afford to call out sick from any work trips to free up enough time to make going to Brasil make sense. Extremely disappointed, I got home and dragged everything to my bedroom to realize that I didn't have my Canon camera with me. I wasn't sure if I left it in the Uber going to the airport that second time, or on the bus returning for the last time to go home. I called everyone, Uber, American Airlines, the Bus company MTS. I tried everything, and I didn't get that camera back.

It is now 2020 and we are in a pandemic and rather than take "COVID Leave" as many flight attendants did, I worked my ass off, and I finally have a new camera, its the Canon EOS RP, a mirrorless camera which is lighter but still presents a huge learning challenge for me, but this time I won't be stopped. I will continue this journey with new faith in my ability to get up, dust myself off and keep going, and never giving up. Part of the strength comes from the opportunity the United States has a country to change the person in the White House and I will be there on November 3, to be counted.

Why Brazil? Because pre-Covid in December of 2019 when I last visited Rio and Saquarema, my Goddaughter's Aunt and Uncle had laid a square of concrete next to their home, and they intended to create a luncheonette (small restaurant). They were running a food delivery service of artisan sandwiches under the name "El Jefe". This October 2020 when I returned Brazil. "El Jefe" was a working restaurant and I watched the concrete being poured to add two more rooms to the restaurant to expand. Whether in December or January, I will return to Rio and Saquarema and I wouldn't be surprised to see a completed three room restaurant. I am like "El Jefe"; I am on my way and the only way I could fail is if I give up.

I am rushing to pack for work...I promise to add pictures later, I hope everyone stays safe and healthy.

What I feared has come to my doorstep.

You would think that if I haven't posted for almost two years that I have forgotten about Brazil, when in fact the truth is the exact opposite.  I've come to understand how people survive under a completely corrupt government run specifically for the rich.  The 46th President of the United States have given me a rude awakening, and newer understanding of how people survive when all promises of the constantly broken.  The improvements in tax reform, bank reform, gun control, human rights, women's rights, health insurance and racial equality are all being destroyed.  And I've discovered, the difference between holding out the possibility that your government has your best interest at heart, and constantly holding your breath to see how your future can be snatched away from you one step at a time.  United States, Haiti, Puerto Rico, Cape Town, Egypt, and Brazil...the list goes on and on of places, that have abusive governments that seem to have no limit to how underrepresented cultures, and poor people in general are held back.

I was very naive and hoped that the infusion of billions of dollars into the "poor" Brazilians lives would improve things for everybody.  Now living in the "poor" American reality, where the lives of underrepresented people of every race and color are constantly in mortal, and financial danger because of the ignorance of the people in power.

Refocusing, and taking a closer look at what's important to you and your family have become  paramount in my life, and the lives of my friends in Brazil, specifically Rio, who are part of my family, and deep in my heart.  The communites/favelas that were close to my heart, both Rocinha and Vidigal, are no longer places of opportunity and growth, but weird mixes of economic war zones, and gentrification.  I wasn't the brave guerrilla videographer that would run through the protest zones and take live shots, but as observer and witness to them as a spectator, I feel that I've been live theatre.  The Police are used to control, the economic future of the favelas, creating fear, and motivating some poor people to move further out and others to become fierce entrepreneurs.

Three things have matured my point of view...a life changing health event in mother's life; a employment hiccup in my son's life, and the birth of my Goddaughter in Rio, "Princess" Isabela, have made me take a look at how you mitigate the risk when the only thing you can depend on is yourself, and your immediate family.

What I know for sure....

I know that I haven't posted in over two years and that is mostly because my Mom has been bedridden for this time and in and out of hospitals for even longer.  During this time I have still visited Brazil two or three times each year.  Another large reason that I have not posted in the stupidity and drama surrounding what was once a very respected government.

I have traveled the world and I have observed how much of a joke America has become to the world, and I have kept my head down, and been silent.  I MUST now comment that the puppet who is controlling my country should be scared that if he gets what he wants he will create a vacuum which would allow his puppet masters to walk even more directly into our front door.

This is how the tables have turned.  I used to say poor Brazil, I can't wait until the money for the World Cup and the Olympics trickles down to the people; I was naive and ignorant.  Now I say poor America, and if not for my sick loved ones I would be moving to the small and precious town of Saquarema in Brazil.

One close friend of mine said to me over Christmas, "you live in my heart".  Their special way of expressing love is just one of the things that I love about many of the wonderful people I have met in Brazil (you know who you are!).

I am very blessed to know that I am Blessed.

I am  very blessed to know that I am Blessed.

People like my friend Neusa and her family and my friends Dembore and Tais, and Isabela, make me believe in "Black lives matter."

From a professional point of view there is the need to get footage for my documentary "Why Brazil" but personally there is the need to unwind.

I am almost there...at a place where I can listen to the God inside me and follow his direction.  On my third day in Rio, I went to Vidigal beach, and I no one tried to sell me anything, instead there was the sound of the water, the laughter of people, and some very nice Brazilian music.  I myself, went in search of a Brazilian friend, Wilson who sells "cangas".  We spent most of the conversation with him giving me free Portuguese lessons.

I have seen small things that pertain to the political side of my story; I have seen people wearing the T-shirt "Stop Coup", and I took this to mean the impeachment of Dilma.  Also there are more religious groups advertising in public places this trip, than I remember seeing in public places in the past.  I believe that the government is allowing this because of the sentiment by many people that church is the opiate of the masses.  I could be wrong.

When all of the strangers have left the Brazilian people will be left with some very important improvements in transportation but those improvements are not present in schools and hospitals.

As a stranger myself, even though I am sometimes mistaken for Carioca, I am also unconsciously pacified into thinking the police presence is beneficial, but I know the increase in police comes at a price.  The police that I saw in every tourist area during the World Cup, that were walking around, and chatting with each other, have now been replaces by police in new cars wearing new uniforms.  Maybe some of the money for new police cars and new uniforms could have been used to improve the schools, and the hospitals.

However, it is sad to say from my own personal experience that the individual policemen are not making such great salaries.  Last night, at my first Olympic match, Beach Volleyball (Brazil vs Russia, and U.S.A. vs Australia), I found out that I didn't read the Olympic website thoroughly, I was stopped at security because I had brought my iPad.  I was told the website held instructions not to be iPads to the stadium.  Faced with this dilemma I tried not to panic, and eventually a solution was presented to me.  "In front of Copacabana Palace, there is a bathroom with lockers, you could leave it there."  I listened but formulated my own plan.  I went to the security/information desk at Copacabana Palace and with broken Spanish and Portuguese, explained my situation and asked if they could keep my iPad until after the game.  They said no, but one nice person that spoke English walked over to the police man standing in a booth, and asked if he would be on duty.  Another nice person from Copacabana Palace then walked over with me and acted as the interpreter, to make the request for me.  As it turns out the policeman, also spoke some english, agreed to take my iPad, and gave me his number to call him after the game, when I was on my way back to retrieve my iPad.  I called twice, and I was told his phone did not have credit.  I got back to find him gone from the booth, and not in the police car that he had showed me was his car.  At first I stressed about it, but I decided to wait because the light was on in the booth, I could see the bag he'd place my iPad in on the desk, and the police car lights were blinking.  Eventually he came back to the booth, and said "why didn't you call me?"  It was only when I showed him my call log/record that he understood.  But I thank God, he was a simple, nice, and honest man who returned my iPad.  I believe he is like all of the Brazilians that I know waiting for his fair share of the Brazilian wealth.

I can't hate the people, I hate the game.

This is where we are now...   The Olympic games have begun, the displaced Cariocas have been repositioned, and the citizens of Rio are again dealing with an influx of people.  The difference from the time of the World Cup is that though people are excited about the temporary influx  of money,  they are not as naive as before.  They are not running out to buy a new TV, or expand their restaurant because they realize that until the political situation settles no one will know what will happen post Olympics.

Having personally walked as far as I could on the new Olympic bike path from Vidigal to Sao Conrado, after part of the path dropped off into the ocean, I know that distrust of the current optimism is not misplaced.  I believe that national pride is almost all that's left of the previous hopes for the Brazilian economy, therefore it is not easy for me to jump on the bandwagon when people are upset that Brazilians boo opposing country's athletes. These countries including the U.S., China, Israel, Russia have benefited way more than the Brazilian people from the construction that has taken place to create the Olympic venues.  Wait, correction, there are Brazilian individual, the 1 percenters, the billionaires, real estate developers and corrupt politicians have benefited, but that money will be taken out of the country, and not reinvested.

Which is why I know many entrepreneurs in Rio could care less about the politics in their own country and are only focused on making their immediate neighborhood better  Which is why I believe most of the Brazilian people that I meet while in the U.S. are rarely involved in, or even know about the politics in their native country, its because many of them or a product of the money thats been taken out of the country over the years, and have attended prestigious schools here in the U.S. and can't speak about the injustices.  But I can't hate the people, I hate the game.

I truly realize now that I have yet to understand the true pain of the Brazilian people.

English Detected-Everyone is under investigation...and the people still suffer, who protects the people from all of this corruption, and will anyone of the stolen money be returned? Who is fighting for the Brazilian babies, who want to have a future?

Portuguese -Todo mundo está sob investigação ... e as pessoas ainda sofrem , que protege as pessoas de toda esta corrupção , e ninguém do dinheiro roubado ser devolvido ? Que está lutando para os bebês brasileiros , que querem ter um futuro ?

Maybe....

A crazy thought crossed my mind. Could Brazil's Petrobras scandal be used to get Dilma Rousseff impeached, and if so why.  Say you have a faction in a corporation participating in money laundering, and taking bribes in a company in exchange for contracts.  Could there be a figurehead intentionally kept in the dark to be used as a scapegoat at a later date?

Having watched the changes in Brazil occurring with the event of the World Cup, I saw a poorer class getting money for the first time, and having dreams of improving their lives permanently.  However, I believe that its possible that to halt this, and bring back the status quo, there are people willing to loose money, to maintain their position as the rich ruling class.

So what do they do...force projected growth to stop, and raise interest rates, by changing a highly placed corporation like Petrobras into junk bond status; shaking the world communities confidence in the Brazilian market.  Plummeting the growth potential for the country, and loss of faith that has resulted in an almost 3.5 to 1 currency conversion for Reals to the Dollar.

Why?

The Brazilian's that have real money have shipped much of that money to the States, so their Reals turned into Dollars are now more powerful.  The poor people who remodeled their homes, and purchased luxury items on credit when the economy was looking up, are now unable to afford to even live in their favela neighborhoods, because foreigners are gentrifying their community.

What are the poor people doing that once supported Dilma Rousseff? They are now against her.

Why?

Maybe because their dinner table is not full the way it was post World Cup.  Maybe the corrupt politicians that Dilma Rousseff was attempting to get rid of have all gotten together to destroy her, and seek revenge at the expense of the Brazilian people.

Maybe.

I have friends that wondered why I didn't attend the protest in Copacabana Beach on Sunday while I was in Rio de Janeiro.

I didn't want to be a part of the manipulation in any way, but I have been observing from a distance.

Surely people couldn't be that evil.