Host City Blues...

On an ill-afforded trip to London, this past weekend I found little evidence to support the British press claims that they are one of the few how cities to make sports buildings profitable.  An almost empty Queen Elizabeth's Olympic Park, did not convince me that British press was doing any better than numerous other host cities.  The worker's outnumbered the visitors 2 to 1, and the worker's seemed nonplussed to see a lone camerawoman documenting their labor.  It reminded me of the wizard of OZ making sure no one saw behind his facade.

Meanwhile Brazilians living in London, were in full support of the strikes, and even the riots which they believe are effectively timed because of the attention the country is claiming via the World Cup 2014 and the Olympics 2016.  It was in Rio, the "Marvelous City" back in June 2013 that the first of the PAC 2 promises was made to use recent investment to bring water and waste improvements;  transportation; and other upgrades to infrastructure.   Now its the end of October and those promises are extending to other regions in the country.  The question is will these promises mean actual long-term improvements for teachers and health industry professionals, in time for Brazilians to re-focus, on creating opportunities for local entrepreneurs, and/or training the service, and tourism industry in the most common language English.  

The demonstrations have been escalating from the relative calm of effigies, and banners

...to actual bullets in Police guns and an increase in broken property. 

Aside from the riots, Brazilians in London for the most part are very realistic in realizing that the back to back World Cup 2014 and then Olympics 2016, is almost to big a bite to chew.  I repeatedly heard a sentiment that I fully agree with "its people that will make these two events possible.  Various Brazilians that I spoke with brought up their forgiving nature, and the ability to give everyone their undivided attention at that moment, that will be the saving grace of this "Double Host" country.

Help!!!

There is a picture in my computer of a woman created by a graffiti artist that I hate, and yet I respect that the artist is bringing attention to a harsh reality in Brazil, and in a lot of countries of color.

Why is the darker woman always demonized?  Why is there a saying that Brazilians prefer the lighter skinned women to marry, and the darker skinned women to have as a mistress, or more bluntly for sex?

I can't help the way I feel about this image because I am a darker skinned sister, and my gut reaction every time I see this image, whether it be in my computer, or from a van/bus going up Avenida Niemeyer in Rio.  

I can't decide if its the negative energy coming out of the eyes, or the almost pointed ears, that makes me think of evil, and I'm not sure what this artist meant to represent.  What I have come to respect is that having seen numerous graffiti artist retag or paint over old work, this image has not been changed significantly in the past three years since it came to my attention.  Are the other artist acknowledging something that they respect in the artistry displayed here, or is there a another reason this image has not been changed.  I venture to guess that its because a lot of the Brazilian graffiti is in your face about the negative aspects of their culture, as well as the positive and they realize that this stereotype of the dark skinned woman is a reality in Brazilian culture. 

Another image that I find offensive is a graffiti artist's work I found in Sao Paolo.

I can not presume to know what the artist meant by this image, but the fact that the woman is faceless and represented naked and semi-starved is not beautiful to me personally.  I constantly fight with my own weight issues and again as a darker skinned woman maybe I'm over sensitive, but why doesn't she have a face, or feet?  Questions like these plague me, yet I also respect both artist because they've brought a very real part of Brazilian culture to light.

SPIRIT

A person that I respect said that the three entities that they hate the most in Brazil are the government, the press and the police.  I think that when anyone, anywhere is made to feel powerless then, that person would share in that feeling.  I am close to people that are living and working in Rio, and I know that they are truly torn.

They would like to believe in the promises these groups make however, when they try and communicate by peaceful means they are largely ignored, and then peaceful demonstrations are escalated into violent acts by people (be it the government, or the police, or the press) that want to sway public opinion for capitalist reasons.  Sure, if everyone demonstrating was supporting radical behavior then eventually the capitalist will without conscience do whatever they want...plow the favelas, and continue the meritocracy that has been the norm, but some people still see the merit in organized protest.  They don't stand behind a name like Black Bloc, but they want to fight while they have the worlds attention.  Its a catch-22.

What is the mother to do who needs to know that at least for the few hours of education the government provides for her child, the child is in the hands of people that are fairly compensated, and motivated to be responsible.  How can the average citizen, that can't afford private schools able to benefit from the World Cup or the Olympics, if they are constantly in emergency childcare mode.

The government is continuing to make promises as is pictured below:

When will the government, the press and police start to REALLy protect the people against, the irresponsible reporting of violence.  I am not a fan of misrepresenting the truth or restraining the press but someone has to realize that the victims are the people of Brazil, whose fight against inflation on top of poor education, inadequate postal services, insufficient medical services, and corruption have a lot of people strained to their limit.  Why are the news articles about the broken promises not picked up by the World News?  Is the President trying to make changes for the people?  I still think she is, but I realize that as foreign doctors, and foreign oil/dock workers, and foreign tourism companies flood the country, Cariocas can't help but feel left out of they wave of improvements.

Its a muddy situation, but one that must become transparent because, after the World Cup, the Olympics are right around the corner.  The light at the end of the tunnel is the resiliency of the Brazilian spirit.  They are a people that have been fighting against oppression throughout their history beginning with colonization, and continuing in some form until present day, but they still maintain a sense of community, in spite of the hardships they endure.  I'm putting my money on that spirit, a spirit of forgiveness and giving, and I repeat, community that sets them apart.

Here in the States I can finally lift my head from the shame of our government shutdown.  I can completely relate to the distrust of the press, the government and the police, that my brothers and sisters in Brazil deal with everyday.

B is for Brazil....

Each time I go to Brazil, I get an insider's view of what the people in Rio are going through having usually spent a month, sometimes 3 weeks away, reading the propaganda put out by the media, or the PR from FIFA, or seeing the raw footage such as the link below:

http://www.globalpost.com/dispatch/news/regions/americas/brazil/130618/protests-in-brazil-rio-police-video

Yes, the middle class students have the time and money to demonstrate.  I admire them for being willing to fight for change, but I admire more the mothers that fight to feed their families and keep their children in school, and the families that fight to take care of their loved ones, that don't have access to proper medical and healthcare.  

I know of a prominent family that has one daughter that needs mental healthcare.  Sometimes she's doing well, and then sometimes she needs medication, and is drinking and smoking and getting disrespected in her own neighborhood.  If there are not enough doctors for physical or mental healthcare, what are families meant to do.  Brazilians unlike many people are not going to stay home, and hide, and complain after-the-fact that their government is spending too much money for show, and not enough for infrastructure, as is the case with the citizens of many host countries of large sporting events.  I've mentioned in past post that Brazilians are happier with less, but I believe that having the courage to speak out when they are wronged is part of what helps them be a balanced society.  They are fighting against a history of colonization, and corruption that has a long history, and as they prepare to celebrate their Independence Day 9/7/13; it will not be while wearing rose colored glasses.  

My experience is in Rio, and I see the police in the favelas, and the rising price of goods, and the effect of bad press on the exchange rate for Reals (Brazilian currency) and I see strong people not sitting down but fighting for equality, for justice, and the right to be heard.  I don't see violence and instability, I see families fighting for a better life.  The Rio I see is like a maze, the people are going through the challenges of hype and broken promises, such as PAC One and PAC Two, but they are bettering themselves in spite of these challenges.  

So if I meet someone in Santa Marta whose been displaced, and promised a new residence, that complains to any and everyone that will listen.  I admire those people.  If there is a person in the tourism industry that isn't allowed to plan or forecast their bookings for the World Cup, more than likely they'll find some other way to make money that is not restricted by corporations or government.  

As a documentary filmmaker, at some point I wish I could make a difference for people going through the challenges mentioned above, but my current understanding of documentary filmmaking is that I should present as many points of view as possible so that the real drama of a situation shines through.  

Though I have primarily been present to document the triumphs and developments in my core subjects lives, I have come to realize that I must also include the experiences and points of view of citizens from other host cities, and speak to them about what the impact has been for places like England, and South Africa, and China; to give a frame of reference for any trying to understand WHY BRAZIL?

I have a rich life, and I am blessed to share these experiences in this forum.  Some people get it and some people.

The Shortest Post...

I recently read that aside from the character development, the conflict and the conflict resolution, an important part of a documentary is the filmmaker's reason for making the film.  WHY BRAZIL? is important to me because it is my way of sharing why I come to Brazil, and that is that based on the concept that the only poor people are those people that constantly need more.  In Brazil, I have learned to be happy with less, to be grateful for every moment.  I am still learning.  I have had the pleasure of helping my subjects with some small aspects of their projects, and I hope they realize that I learn from them constantly, and opportunity to constantly learn continues to be WHY BRAZIL?

THE POPE VISITS...WYD....PROTEST....TRANSPORTATION

THE POPE VISITS...WYD....PROTEST....TRANSPORTATION

I can remember taking a picture of smiling kids participating in the HOMELESS WORLD CUP in Rio in 2010.  Their smiles were soooo big and I felt so uplifted, joyful, and proud just to be in their presence.  The event was changing their lives.  Another event, the WYD which should be for the kids is having attention taken away from its focus which is children, and being used as platform. People are using the combination of the Pope's visit, and this year's 2013 as an opportunity to speak out about the continued social injustices present in a newly powerful country that has the eyes of the world watching.

There are problems and there will continue to be disagreements and protest about how the 90 billion dollars coming into the Brazil for the World Cup and the Olympics will be spent.  Do I believe that Cariocas should speak out about injustice? Yes.  Do I hope it doesn't overshadow the spirit and heart of WYD? Yes.

This is not the first time that a Pope has visited Brazil.  Each time there is fanfare and money spent.  IT'S A PREDOMINANTLY CATHOLIC COUNTRY. It is to be expected that it become a huge media event.  Things are as they should be, progress is messy.  My thoughts are with the passionate people who know what infrastructure changes are being neglected in their country, and want to speak out, are going through.  I wonder what I would do in their position.  Knowing that the police are going to make an example of the protesters, would I go out and support?

As Patricia one, of my subjects says, I am a spy.  I am infiltrating behind the public face of Rio, looking into the goings on, both on the ground in the city central and in the hills of the favelas.  Unfortunately, unlike TOM CRUISE'S character in a MISSION IMPOSSIBLE movie, I can't impact events.  I can only document the peoples faces, the things they talk about over dinner when faced with turmoil in their city, and how they manage to go on with their day.

I will return to Rio in August, hopefully to help Patricia with more pictures for her website, and to attend DJ events with Zezinho (the two subjects of my documentary). I'm never sure what Rio I will return be returning to...its a powder keg right now.  I don't want to be the person that just takes pictures of protests.  I want to try and understand what its like to live in a city/country going through such rapid development.  But to share my experience I must take pictures.  Like the one below.  People are surrounding the project presentation for proposed improvements in Rocinha, the favela where Zezinho lives.  I was there I saw the faces, felt the excitement, and later dealt long distance with the news that teachers at the same sports complex where all the promises were being made, were not being paid.  Yet there's money for the Pope's visit.

There was a presentation, it resembled a TRANSFORMER's movie, showing how new additions in transportation, both rail, and cable, as well as infrastructure improvements were coming to ROCINHA. I was there, President Dilma Rousseff was there.  I have the footage to prove it.  How do these people feel now?  I'll find the answer to that question when I return.

WORK, WORK, WORK, I love it and I hate it....

I'm back from Rio and I started a 2-day trip the same day I returned, and am now preparing for a 4-day trip.  My first chance to review all my footage and put more pictures up will be on June 20th.

However, I can share one amazing event.  I got a chance to film President Dilma Rousseff my last day in Rio!!!!  On June 14th I was at the Complexio Esporitivo Rocinha.  The big sports complex that was a part of a government plan to improve one of the largest favelas in Rio, Rocinha.  The following are the notes I took while sitting at the event.

At an event that was supposed to start at 9 am I sit with the Carioca (natives of Rio).  At first I tried to get in with the press with my business card and camera out for all to see.  I was told no because I had not sent in for press credentials in advance.  However, because I was wearing a Communidade Rocinha t-shirt that my friend Zezinha gave me, I was able to get a pin which allowed me to get in (of course I put away my camera and threw my jacket over my bag.

I felt like a very special person. I was able to observe the various VIPs fight for a seat and cute young 20 year old gatekeepers, guys enjoying their 5 minutes of power.  They all had a uniform of button down shirts, and black business shoes and some had ear pieces to top it off.  It reminded me of my time as Director of the Development for the New York International Latino Film Festival.  People fighting to prove how important they are to get a seat at an event that ultimately means very little to them. (More about that later).

I am truly privileged to be here at this time in Rio's history.  I have to thank Zezinho because without the shirt I doubt I would have been able to get a Carioca pin.

I will treasure this pin and I will look into making some for myself that represent my documentary WHY BRAZIL.  One thing I found interesting iss the Asian man that I saw with a green button on at the event which I believe indicated all-access.  He was moving around everywhere, and I hope I don't sound ignorant, but I got the sense that he was responsible for the three screens that showed views of the stage for the audience in the "Carioca Seats".

I found myself in a mix of people with many agendas.  Some people were following every word of every speech, and some people were interested in hugging and kissing the important people at the event.  When President Rousseff came to the podium, I was allowed to go a little closer, and kneeling on my knees, I got footage which I still have to get translated since I'm such a poor student of portuguese.  As I kneeled near the "important people" I noticed several on their smart phones, and reading newspapers and I wonder how important the event was for them.

The reason President Rousseff was at Rocinha was to announce/present the proposed cable cars and metro line that was planned to go through the favela.  Thankfully the proposal also included a new sewer system.  Something that is sorely needed in the favela.  But the reason the Carioca were often on their feet during the presentation was that just like a transformer movie, the presentation showed buildings and construction going up where people were currently living.  Based on their history, I am very doubtful that every person will be compensated and relocated fairly.  This is not an assumption, but things that I've heard from people living in other parts of Rio where progress has displaced people and were themselves waiting to be relocated.

So much to think about, and so much to uncover.  I remember a friend staying at Vidigalbergue hostel (he was from England and married, then divorced a Brazil women), who mentioned that clients that he gave sports therapy to often mentioned that they thought it would be best to bulldoze all favelas and put up new real estate.  President Rousseff who gave an impassioned speech mentioning the benefits to the children and the older people seemed like a person that really cared. However she has to deal with the people with money who elected her, and these people, some of which were those people in suits and stilettos on their smart phones during her speech could probably care less about the Carioca.

WHY BRAZIL?  Why do I hold out hope that some of the natives will benefit from the major changes coming to Brazil.  Because of the impassioned people that I saw fight their way to speak with some of the journalist to get their feelings across.  The mother that I saw who step by step moved to better and better seats with her little boy to give him an opportunity to see his leaders.  Because I believe in the passion of the people of Brazil.

TECHNO PHOBE DOES DOCUMENTARY...MINI POST

Its amazing the photos and video that I have been able to get considering how much of a non-mechanical person I am. However, I accept my limitations and I just heard good advice..."watch the how-to-videos on Youtube, over and over and over until you get what its trying to teach you" between trying this and my Canon EOS for Dummies, and Final Cut for Dummies...I have hope LOL I am going to repost this on my blog about my documentary WHYBRAZIL@blogspot.com

I posted the above statement on facebook, minutes ago.  I know words have power but what I meant is that inspight of my techno phobia, I have been blessed with wonderful synergy and excellent opportunities to "spy" on my favorite subject BRAZIL as it goes through an amazing time in its development.

Taking pictures  of workers taking a nap on construction sites...

Not taking pictures but making mental notes about huge city buses creating traffic jams on narrow winding roads in a favela.

Witnessing...with limited technical knowledge but thankful for the chance.

PROGRESS????

I have always been the type to focus on what I want to focus on; only.  But as I keep returning to Rio, I'm noticing a sharp increase in the number of men traveling to Rio.  I'm talking sometimes as many as 90% men on a flight, especially the non-Brazilians.  If I'd listen to my more close minded male associates, I would believe that its all about sex, and easy access, but I'm just a little more open-minded than that and I believe its the sharp increase in European skilled workers coming to Brazil, to prepare for the FIFA related sporting events, including the Confederations Cup and the largest upcoming event the WorldCup in 2014.  I put this together when I remember the group of "apparently hung-over" shipping workers, that I overheard talking about the incentives and perks that they got to work in Brazil.

I found myself based on this fact concentrating on the increase in containers that I saw hiding behind the gates at the ports, and the quadrupled construction.

I personally brought some charity donations into Rio, and I was concerned that I'd have to explain my donations.  Instead I found myself waived through customs without any questions whatsoever except, "Are you here for the FIFA Confederation Cup?"  I got a sense that FIFA was monitoring how much clout they had in Brazil.

I later spoke with one of the owners of the hostel that I'm staying in the Vidigal favela, who also owns a travel agency in Leblon.  Basically, I found out that FIFA has unlimited power in Brazil right now, and they are booking up all the hotels, for 2014, and keeping the tourism industry in a quandry as to what prices and rules will govern the booking of those few places not pre-booked by FIFA.

I am still fascinated by how quickly Rio is changing.  In less than a month's time the mini-van company that took up the slack for public buses, have all received new vans with new paint jobs, and the ability to accept bus card payments in addition to cash.  I can choose to celebrate the growth that I'm seeing in my two characters Zezinho's and Patricia's lives, to the exclusion of the changes happening in Rio in general but I won't do that.  Some of the changes are extraordinary.

Zezinhos new MIXER:

Patricia's new WEBSITE that's she's in the middle of creating:

From a city that originally allowed its citizens to just flag down public buses on an adhoc basis, to a city that has three bus zones, and that has educated its citizens about the new routes in less that two years.  I find myself listening to older citizens and younger citizens alike getting with the program, and giving me directions as to what bus zone I should be standing at to get to what destination.  

Its all growth, and I hope that the city as well as the individuals will fight for their right to grow just as quickly as the big businesses coming in and profiting from the upcoming sporting events.  By this I mean I hope that hospitals, postal services, and garbage disposal with get an upgrade just as quickly as the stadiums and transit systems.  I hope that Zezinho can find a reasonable place to move that can house his DJ school, his personal space, and a small pension for visitors to the favelas.  I hope that Patricia, can increase her private tour guide business to the point that she won't also have to have a "day job", and she can make other trips to Europe that are as successful and eye-opening as her first trip; a two week visit that included London and Amsterdam from which she returned at the beginning of June.

My blessings...

May 25, 2013

As I review the footage that I shot in Rio on my last trip, I am struck by two things.  How much material I have and the great blessing I have received in meeting the two extraordinary people who have continued this journey with me up until this point, Patricia and Zezinho.

When I first met Patricia she shared her dream of visiting Europe and she is currently in London.  The confidence that she exhibits has inspired all along this process.  My challenge with Patricia is not making her feel on the spot when I get her on camera.  Her candidness when she's speaking to me as we travel through Rio is something I am searching for a way to share.  She has in many ways allowed me to "spy" or visit Rio from the inside because when we spend time together it is usually going to an event, or a party, and along the way I meet her friends and hear stories about her life.  This is not easily captured on film.  I am planning to deal with this in two ways.  I am hoping to show her some of my earlier interviews where she mentions her desire to visit Europe as a way to encourage her to recall how she felt when she was sharing the dream, and what it was  like to experience the reality.  Next I am hoping to get an opportunity to speak with other people about Patricia.  Friends that I have met through her, who obviously admire and appreciate her as a person.  I am a Cancer, born in July, and it is my nature to talk about everyone else's experiences, but be reluctant to share my own, so I understand Patricia.  We are kindred spirits.  While I try to find ways to help Patricia feel comfortable on camera I will happily continue to benefit from her willingness to share experiences like the party we went to in the favela Santa Marta, that enrich my life.

Zezinho, presents different challenges, in that he is extremely comfortable on camera, but he usually talks about two subjects Rocinha, and his DJ school (see http://rocinhamediaschool.org/).  His tours are amazing.  As flight attendant, I have experienced  tours in Tokyo, Rome, Cairo, Tel Aviv...the list goes on and on and nowhere has the information been given with so much detail, and history and humor, as the tours given by Zezinho because he loves the place that he lives and works in so much.

Unlike with Patricia who is very open one on one, Zezinho rarely talks about his personal life or personal goals unless they relate to Rocinha or the DJ School.  I believe part of the reason is that his main mode of operation is as a caregiver.  He thinks of others first, and places himself second.  I have experienced this firsthand, many times, latest being his offer to keep some of my clothes at his apartment so that I could travel with less when I return.  Recent issues with Zezinho's knees, have inspired me to continue helping him in any way that I can, and to remind him to take care of himself, and put himself first every once in a while.  He has to stay strong to continue the work that he has begun to give the kids in the Rocinha dreams of their own, by giving tours of the place that he loves, Rocinha.

My challenge as a filmmaker is to pick the images and vignettes that will most enlighten my viewers to the day to day challenges of my subjects, and at the same time present them as real people.  I got lucky one time, and happened to be at Zezinho's house when he was giving his newest kitty a flea bath, I was happy to get that footage because it was a part of everyday life.  Later in that visit to Rio I was dying to turn on the camera, I missed an opportunity to interview Patricia about what happened when she planned to bring her daughter to meet me for the first time on a visit to Santa Marta.  Her daughter wanted her to wear shorts and a tee-shirt like any other 8 year old girl, while her mother wanted her to look nice.  I know that there are many mothers, I included, who can relate to that experience with their own child.  One thing I hope to make clear with this film is that our similarities far outweigh or differences.

I would like to invite anyone that has had either a personal tour with Patricia, or a group tour with Zezinho to add your comments to this blog about what kind of people you found them to be.  Again, I am constantly amazed at my good fortune to meet them both.

A return and a recommitment

May 11, 2013

I have been back to Brazil...  I have rediscovered some of the things that I always loved and found new things to love about its people, and their tenacity, their warmth and their strength.  

The above photo is of a great friend Patricia, one of my Brazilian heros.  This picture is taken in what is known as the Santa Marta favela, but I prefer to say Santa Marta "comunidade" (community).  I first found out about this place over the internet.  During a period when I was not allowing myself the freedom t go as often as possible to Brazil. Patricia participated in a Rio Tour internship.  She got an opportunity to work as as tour guide in this favela translating for English visitors.  She met and was befriended by Salete, another guia de Turismo, whose food project Patricia took me to visit on this trip.  Salete, owns a small bar on the street leading to Santa Marta and on this particular day she was serving feijoada (a traditional black bean stew) to benefit the travel for elders in the comunidade, whose travel benefits had been reduced.  Many people from the community came out to support the food sale and I was lucky enough to find out  about a monthly party at the top of the Santa Marta favela also meant to benefit the community.  

Okay, a food sale, a party at the top of a favela.  No big deal you say.  This favela is in a new stage of its existence.  It is post pacification.  Many of the favelas have been occupied by the police.  There are pros and cons for every situation, but for me as an outsider looking in, I learned two things.  First from Patricia I learned that at one time Salete wouldn't feel safe having her small bar open past 8pm, and next I learned that at one time visitors alone would not feel comfortable as we were made to feel walking up to the monthly party, later that same week.  As we, myself, my new French friend from the hostel Vidigalberge, and my friend Patricia walked up to the top of Santa Marta, we were constantly surrounded by little girls and boys asking if we needed directions to the Michael Jackson party.  In my ignorance, I had not yet researched the history of the favela, but at the top I was amazed to see a beautiful mural of Michael Jackson, on the rooftop courtyard where the party was held.  I later learned Michael Jackson filmed his video "They don't care about us". The community also boast a statue of Michael Jackson.  I will leave each reader the pleasure of researching what Michael Jackson's visit meant to the community.

At the party on Saturday the people were invited to bring bags of rice, it was a charity of event for the community and as a documentarian, I was blessed to get footage of an amazing Samba band that included both a male and female singer, with Mr. Jackson's image in the background, and a mountain of rice on the table in the forefront.  

This introduction to Santa Marta, is only one of the new experiences that I experienced enjoyed and documented on my last trip to Rio.  Another new experience was the result of a tragedy.  On March 30th, two tourist a man and a woman entered were kidnapped, beaten and raped by local van operators.  It was later revealed that the assailants had rented a similar van to the ones organized originally to serve the poor communities and were not in fact official van operators.  The larger tragedy was that a brazilian female student was raped by the same men weeks before and after she reported the crime, absolutely nothing was done to find her attackers.  After the tourist's attack the men were apprehended in less than two days.

Through my visit to document Zezinho's tour of another favela Rocinha I learned that almost a thousand people that worked for or on the local vans were out of a job.  After the tourist attack, the Brazilian government dramatically cut the number of vans and the routes they could pick up from, as a result of responding to the tourist attack and to nullify bad press that my affect the Rio's image for the World Cup in 2014.

I was personally affected because after waiting an extremely long time (I'm virtually a New Yorker, so anything over five minutes is a long time) for an van from Vidigal (the hostel where I was staying) to Rocinha, I was flagged down by a van going the opposite way.  

I later involuntarily enjoyed a trip from Leblon, through Gavea, and then from the top of Rocinha down to the botton of Rocinha.  I now have a greater familiarity with a favela that I've grown to love Rocinha.  

As I reflect on this trip, in the days to come, more and more will be revealed about how the people and the experiences that I have in Rio enrich my life.  As my friend Patricia says, "Don't think too much..." and by that she means don't have any regrets do the things that you love to do.  

In some ways when I first came to Rio and started my documentary I was spying on another way of life.  Now I am learning about a new way to live life to the fullest.  And whether it is seeing Ipanema in the distance as the sun rises...

Or whether it is appreciating the tree tops with the ocean in the distance, it is all the same learning to really value each moment.

HARD TIMES...FAMILY TIMES

There have been many months since I returned to Brazil.  Just like the Brazilians that I have met and interacted with through my stay in the favela Vidigal, and my visits to Rocinha, real life has tried to distract me from my goals.

In the beginning of May 2012 I began to hear rumors that my company, was shutting down.  I attempted to place my head in the sand, but I couldn't because for the remainder of the summer business was bad, my trips were cut way back, and my personal economy was affected.  I was a flight attendant and normally, travel increased therefore my work schedule was busier during the spring and summer months.  Last year that was not the case.  For reasons of company policy, personal privacy, and professionalism I will limit my job revelations to these vague statements.  In the beginning of the fall the company closed, and though I had some travel benefits, I was focused on getting another job, and keeping my peace of mind.

What that meant is that I exercised sometimes 3 hours a day.  I read a lot of books, and as the winter proceeded I handmade hats and scarfs for Christmas presents for my entire family.  And of course, I sent out resume, after resume, after resume, i.e. C.V.s.

Some of the books, were script development books, and grant writing books, or how to learn Portuguese books, but most were fantasy, and romance, and mystical.  I am a worrier, and I tried to take my mind off of the failing economy here in the U.S. and the world, and how it was making it hard to find a job.

Some things can not be ignored, the economy was one of them, and my relationships were another.  Through the support of my family, both in Houston, Texas, and here in New York, I knew there were people that had me in their prayers, but more immediately, I had a man in my life that had my back.  Unfortunately, that man saw escaping reality to shoot my video as a betrayal of his support.  His security issues and my lack of confidence during this time kept me from leaving for Brazil, as soon as my job ended.  Some days I regret that, but most days I don't.  This time has been a test of my resolve and commitment to finishing my documentary on Brazil.

AND NOW......

I've now come to a more personal understanding of some of the trials and tribulations that my characters in Brazil are going through.  Always before they were characters they were friends.  Zezinho, Patricia, and even Rotimi, who has dropped off the face of the earth as far as my documentary is concerned, and is no where to be found.  Finally I understand many of the challenges that they were going through because of infrastructure and economics.  When Zezinho says in the opening introduction in one of my grant trailers, "...in Brazil, there is no welfare, no unemployment, none of these services, people have to work..."  I have been on unemployment, and I can't imagine surviving through this period without it.  Compared to my friends in Brazil my problems were small.  Not having enough bus fare to get to the park where I exercised outside during the fall was a minor annoyance for me; or having to pay to get my hair washed and colored by credit card was a pain; or not being able to buy crab legs for my son's favorite lunch was embarrassing, at best, but these things didn't make me drink uncontrollably, or cheat on my boyfriend, or curse out my friends as a result of stress.  These kinds of coping methods are things  I observed from my friends and now...

I can truly relate...when I remember how many times, Patricia had to go up to the Tourism Board office for months to try and get her certificate so that she could work as a tour guide, I can remember my own minor struggles calling unemployment, and trying to get my case started so that I could receive the money that I worked for.  The difference is here in the states and amongst my friends we are guilty of feeling a sense of entitlement.  When we play by the rules we expect our system to reward us with options. Many Brazilians do not have luxury.

The one thing we all share is the ability to choose to go forward with confidence and with a positive attitude.  Whenever I forget the importance of these things, then I am in danger of falling into despair.

I have only revealed some of my challenges  to Patricia via facebook, so I can't see myself being quite this open again over the social media channels.  I hope Zezinho, and even Rotimi, can understand that I didn't enter their life to just take a visual record and leave, I am learning from them and Patricia, what it means to press on, to meet life's challenges and keep striving no matter what happens.

I recently acquired a better camera to take back to Brazil, my new goal is to make at least two trips to Rio in 2013. I will make an effort to restart my Portuguese and screenwriting studies, at the end of the day after I finish studying my course requirements for my month of training for my new job.  I hope my social media family will send out good energy along with my immediate family, towards me getting through the training to secure the new job that I am striving towards, so that I can get back to finishing the documentary that means so much to me.  Until then, I am sticking close to family and loved ones to help me make it through this rough patch in my life.  Attached is picture taken when at a surprise birthday party for a family member. My loved ones have kept me grounded during these hard times.